Family Guy "All Cartoons Are Fucking Dicks" |
On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble We hit a couple divy little bars We noticed there was quite a lovely lady Sitting at the table next to ours Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted Got up and stumbled over with a groan He said: "Hey, just between us, my neanderthalic penis is as massive as a stegosaurus bone!� All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Meg: �Did Barney really say that?� Peter: �Oh, yeah! He is a bastard.� Lois: �Wow!� Peter: �An-And he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women! Ah, aah.. it's Sad! It's really sad...� Brian: �Well you think that's bad, listen to this�� One day I met an ape of great charisma Magilla the Gorilla was his name He wore a little hat and matching bowtie A fashion witch has brought him great acclaim I said: "What do you see as your career-peak? Of all your many flashy escapades.� He said: "Well this is funky, but you're looking at the monkey who's responsible for bringing you the AIDS. � All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Peter: �So he's the cold prick?� Stewie: �I say that is just awful!� Lois: �Okay, okay! Listen to this little gin�� I had a conversation at a party With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd He told me I just had to see his rifle And dropped it at the table with a thud I said to him: �It's quite a lovely firearm.� He told me his fianc� likes it to He said: �This maybe corny but it really gets me horny when I press it to her temple while we screw!� All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Peter: �Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!� Stewie: �Euw, you're not kidding?� Brian: �Yeah, that� eeh� that stuff's kinda' against the law to, I think.� Chris: �Well, I got one that's even worse than that�� On Friday-night I went to get some candy Some soda and some chips and other stuff Along the way I passed a little alley And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff I said to him: �Hey! You're that famous crime dog!� He said: �I only work from nine to five! And now it's close �ten-ish� and I got a job to finish �cause as you can see this hooker's still alive!� All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Meg: �That's awful!� Stewie: �Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!� Peter: �He is a dick� He is a DICK!� Stewie: �Yes, yes! He's a nasty Cartoon, but I can top that� Listen to this!� One day as I was strolling through the forest I happened on some mushroom covered turf And there from underneath a patro-fungus Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf He said: �This is our secret mushroom village!� I said: �Then I'm the first to see these views?� He said: �I'm only kidding, �cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians, Adams, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!� All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Lois: �That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!� Stewie: �Oh, he's a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe, and do you know what I did when I got home?� Brian: �What?� Stewie: �I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!� [LAUGHTER] Peter: �That's sweeeeet�� Meg: �Can I go next?� Lois: �Of course, sweetie!� Meg: �One day I met a�-� Peter: �Holy crap! Look who's here, it's Jason Alexander!� JA: �Hey, Cartoon-haters!� Meg: �B-but I was supposed to go next!� Lois: �Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!� JA: �I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree. Cartoons are real fucking assholes!� Brian: �Yeah, that's sorta' what we've been trying to communicate.� JA: �Well, get a load of this!� Peter: �(Laughing) He said load!!� Lois: �(Laughing) I know! I heard!� I once met Scooby-Doo at a premi�re bash He looked a little haggard and he stunk He said: �The trouble started last December. When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk.� And now he's got a child out of wedlock It's dealing his career a fatal blow I asked him: �Where's the baby?� He said: �Jason, buddy, maybe now you see why fuckin' Scrappy's gotta go!� All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks They get their kicks from being pricks It's a quirk, we just can't fix 'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks Peter: �Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?� JA: �Shocking isn't it?� Peter: �Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?� [CHOIR SINGING] So let us now leave you with one suggestion A bit of wisdom you can take for free �Cause the Micky's and the Goofy's and the Daffy's Are not the gentle souls they seem to be So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix (He's in a fix!) Sit back and just observe it; �Cause the little shits deserve it FOR ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN' DICKS! Stewie: �So! When do we get to the �off-color' part of the album?� Lyric from www.lyricmania.com |